And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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