I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
