I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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