Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
