This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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