my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
