but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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