Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
