I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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