ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
