I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
