I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
