At least make sure they are 18
Why
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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