Welp...herpes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
