Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
