There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
