Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
