it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
