She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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