His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
