she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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