Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
