she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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