after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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