Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
