I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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