dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
