Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
