I bet he comes in French.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
