So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
