He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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