He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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