this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
