saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
