Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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