Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She just used a chaser for red wine.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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