his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He passed out mid-signature
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
