Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
