Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
