Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
