If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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