Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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