Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
