Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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