I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
