yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
