He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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