ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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