Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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