Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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