I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
