Me too!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
