i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
