I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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