I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
